If I ever need you...

“If I ever need you again, Will you be there for me"
These words were never spoken, she wished they were. She wished for so much more all the time. Her life was hanging in between a lot of Ifs and a handful of What Ifs. She was not this person, she gradually had train herself to be. She was 23, prettier than the average number of girls in the city. She was aware of the looks, the smile and the eyes. She was doing well, for herself but she was not satisfied. Lonely time she spent in an unkempt apartment, but the things in it had color. It was a conscious effort. The paintings, the curtains, the linens and even the books by her bed lamp. Desperate attempt to fill her room to fill her vacant life.
"Claire! Claire! Open the door, Are u crazy, what is wrong". The dark gloomy silence was suddenly filled with thumping noise at the door. It was loud. Loud enough for neighbors to come out and stare at, Jim. Jim was the only friend she had. It was Saturday afternoon and Claire was supposed to meet him for lunch. She did not. Actually, she could not. It was not her fault, she was feeling low and she had too many Vodka shots than usual with her colleagues last night. She was dreaming. After days, she was happy in her sleep. The commotion at the door outside woke her up! She was irritated. Jim always irritated her, his condescending "What are you doing with your life, Claire?" and the way he looked at her, the look was patronizing. She wondered why he was still around, after all these years of shouting at each other, all these years of hatred; he was still her only friend. They even tried working out a relationship for a month and a two but they always fell apart. Those spurts of relationship usually happened when Claire was in a difficult place and Jim was an easy rebound.
Swollen face, red eyed and with a heavy head she opened the door. She did not have energy for another confrontation. She smiled a forced one, hugged him and whispered "Good Morning Sweets! Come in". Jim was exhausted. He waited for her at her favorite Pizzeria for 2 Hours. There were thirty five missed calls and twenty messages on her phone lying carelessly under her bed on the silent mode. She had no idea, how angry he was and he had all intentions to make her suffer for his long wait.
She was fiddling with coffee mugs on the kitchen table. She was a mess to look at. Her hair was dirty; she was still wearing her formal white shirt stained with food and her grey office skirt. The Kajal was smeared around her eyes and she had awfully dried lips. Jim could see on her, a rash night out and insane behavior all along. He suddenly forgot about the wait. He was angry at her. Not because she did not turn up but again she broke her promise of not drinking excessively. He thought, what is wrong with this girl! Her room, big spacious and expensive needed cleaning. She is such a pretty girl, but look at her! She is not even desirable now.
"Jim, u care to pass me that coffee mug" She was nonchalant. She always is oblivious to her mistakes. Why can't she be sensible and take hold of her life. Jim, used always think about her. During his presentations at work, when he was making those slides the night before, when he is on call, in a cafe, at a party, while shopping. She was always there with her, in his texts, on the call and now a days on his BBM. He hated Blackberry, his idea of communication was always meeting people and now all of these people were virtually available, physically not present. She forced her to buy one, and so he did.
"So at what time did u come back, n why was your phone not reachable all night", Jim wanted no stories this time.
"Oh! U called, Why do I always miss it? We were at Vacation Cafe, the new one? Did you check it out? I am sure you will like it, It has the feel of that Bar we visited in Dharamshala last year! Remember.. Wow! I so miss the place, Let us plan something for the extended weekend. I so need a break from this place" she tried hard to change the topic.
Jim knew her well enough to see what she was trying. "So, how much did u drink? Who dropped you home? You know I was awake all night trying to get through you! I called Natasha from your work, and she told me there was no party. So what it was? Where were you REALLY?!"
"Oh! Wow! So you again played the Sherlock Holmes trick? Listen stop calling people from my workplace, they think you are my boyfriend. And anyway I did send you a message. You replied as well, now why you have to act like a freak all the time, what is wrong with you?" She could not control her temper this time. She did not deserve it after all. She did have fun last night, and she is not going to explain it to him like always.
This was their usual weekend start. Jim and Claire knew it too well what it is going to be like. Both were fed up, and did not have any quantum of energy left to go through the ordeal again. Jim picked his jacket and walked out. Claire did not stop him. She quietly picked her coffee mug and switched on her laptop. There were crazy party pictures all over her page, and she did not like the fact that she looked so drunk in all of them! She sighed, and started to look around for her phone. After ten minutes of frantic search she found it under her bed, it was dead. When she finally switched it on, she realized Jim was really awake all night calling and messaging her every fifteen minutes. She felt bad for him. Why he always act like this? Why cannot he give her the space she needed. After all he is not even seeing her anymore. She was angry, angry at herself, at Jim and at those text messages she did not even want to read.
She quickly changed her clothes, tied her hair in a bun and went out for some fresh air. She wanted to clear her head, she wanted to call Jim and apologize. But for what? She wanted to feel good, and there she was all alone, walking aimlessly and very restless. She walked into a Bistro, and ordered herself her usual. Across the table, there was a young couple sharing a plate of pasta. They looked happy, and she was perplexed. How do these people manage to be like that! She started to miss Jim now. He was after all the only person she can always talk to. She should call him and should apologize. He was worried for her, and she was reckless. She dialed her number but he did not answer. She tried again and he hung up. She was furious and then someone called, "Ass, Look around!"
Jim walked out of the apartment, and lit a cigarette. He was fuming and he knew he should not bang his hand against the wall. The last time he did that he had fractured his hand. He knew to be more logical this time. He took a couple of quick drags and closed his eyes to calm himself. He decided to take the stairs and walk around. He did not want to react the way he did. He wanted them to talk, sort her little problems and straighten out her life. He wanted to take care of her. He for sure, did not want to stand outside her apartment in this mood on a Saturday afternoon. He suddenly wanted to hug her and how he wished for that cup of coffee she made for him, lying on the kitchen table inside. He then saw Claire walking down towards the market. She had changed her clothes. A white tee shirt from the last gig they attended and her worn out jeans. She was beautiful, and he quietly followed her.
He saw her walking towards the Bistro. He knew what she was about to order. Her usual-Cheese omelette and plateful of fried sausages. He saw her intensely staring at a couple on the table by her side. He was looking at her, her black big eyes. They had tears in them. And then he saw her calling him. How can he take that Call. He was welled up with emotions, for he knew her too well to know what she was thinking exactly. He can read her expressions, know her thought and right now they were, "If I ever need you again, Will you be there for me" She called him again and this time he called out to her, "Ass, Look Around!" This was always their regular weekends.